This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
