my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
