i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
