She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
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he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
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Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
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