I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
