Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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