So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
