sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
