Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
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