for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
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Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
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I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Shame - the story of my life.
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