So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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