it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
