If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
God, you're like boner-b-gone
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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