Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Just pee around me
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
