My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
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if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
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Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
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