i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
i would one night stand the shit outta him
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Randomize
