Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
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