I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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