Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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