I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
