you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
