Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
God I need to hump something, right now.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
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