walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
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