My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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