He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
