Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
