I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
