hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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