this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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