wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
