I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
