Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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