Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
