Your face is a jimmy john
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
