I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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