I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
