rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
