it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
