i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
