you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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