i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
3pm strippers are depressing
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
