I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
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