Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
