Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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