the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize