he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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