Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
