i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
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He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
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Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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