my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
