these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
