after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Randomize
