Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Randomize
