My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
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