Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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