Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Mom said you looked used
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Randomize
