There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Randomize
