sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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